The Good Enough Sex Model: Shifting the Focus to Pleasure
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The Good Enough Sex Model: Shifting the Focus to Pleasure
When it comes to sexual intimacy, many couples put pressure on themselves to have “perfect” sex—passionate, spontaneous, and flawless every time. The reality is that real-life intimacy rarely looks like a movie scene. That’s where the Good Enough Sex model (GES) comes in.
Developed by sex therapists Barry McCarthy and Michael Metz, the Good Enough Sex model encourages couples to let go of unrealistic expectations and instead focus on shared pleasure, connection, and satisfaction.
What Is the Good Enough Sex Model?
The GES model is built on the idea that sex doesn’t have to be perfect to be fulfilling. Instead of chasing idealized performance goals, couples are encouraged to embrace intimacy that is:
- Pleasurable: Sex should feel good—not just physically, but emotionally.
- Flexible: Intimacy can look different depending on mood, energy, or season of life.
- Mutual: Both partners should feel valued, comfortable, and included in the experience.
- Realistic: Not every encounter will be mind-blowing, and that’s okay.
This model moves away from a performance-based view of sex and toward one rooted in shared pleasure and connection.
Why Pleasure Matters More Than Performance
Many couples fall into the trap of measuring “good sex” by frequency, orgasm, or lasting power. But those metrics often create stress, self-doubt, and disappointment. When we instead center pleasure, couples can enjoy a wider range of intimate experiences—kissing, cuddling, playful touch, or erotic exploration—all of which build closeness and satisfaction.
Pleasure is also more sustainable over the long term. As relationships evolve through different seasons—parenting, aging, illness, or stress—what intimacy looks like may shift. The GES model reminds us that sex can remain fulfilling when the focus is on enjoyment, comfort, and connection instead of pressure.
Practical Ways to Practice Good Enough Sex
- Redefine success: Instead of asking, “Did we both orgasm?” try, “Did we feel close, connected, and cared for?”
- Expand the menu: See pleasure as more than intercourse. Shared touch, massage, or simply being naked together can be deeply satisfying.
- Check in with each other: Communication builds safety, which makes pleasure easier to access.
- Release pressure: Remember that desire ebbs and flows. Letting go of expectations creates room for curiosity and play.
Final Thoughts
The Good Enough Sex model is not about settling—it’s about freeing couples from the burden of perfection. When the focus shifts to mutual pleasure and connection, intimacy becomes more relaxed, playful, and authentic. And in the long run, that’s what makes sex not just good enough, but deeply rewarding.
To discuss how coaching could help you during this season of your life, please schedule your free 15 minute consultation.